To Kill a Zombified Sea Monster

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For zombie sea monsters, the best weapon to use is The Nautilus' steal spur. If it works on cachelot and swarms of giant squid, there's no reason why it would not work on zombiefied sea monsters. An added advantage is that the double-layered plated armor of the vessel acts as a defensive armor- and, if need be, a vehicle of escape.

Most importantly, having a giant steampunk pirate Indian technogeek Victorian submarine with a massive library would be great.

As a Norwegian sailor I will have to recommend the naval strategies employed by the Royal Norwegian Navy in combating the undead Krakens that have pestered our sea routes to Iceland for quite some time.

We have commandeered and equipped whaling vessels with special harpoons for their cannons, the ropes of which are infused with electrical conduits, allowing on-board tesla coils to generate enough electrical force to deep fry their brain and effectively putting an end to their menace against Norwegian shipping. Being but a military serviceman I couldn't tell you of the mechanical workings of this electrical apparatus, but I give witness to its efficiency.

Therefore, seeing as no sea monster, living, dead or undead, could possibly match the mighty Kraken in size and ferocity, it is my belief that any sea monster would, under the guidance of military discipline and the grace of God, succumb to the methods I have here described.

If your undead sea monster lives in freshwater so pure that it does not allow for electrical currents, then you shall have to fire with black powder weaponry at his face and head until he no longer as much as twitches, much less attempts to eat you. Use cannons or muskets at your own discretion.

If there were a zombie invasion, I would pull a trick from a few of my favorite movies to get the upper hand on the undead bastards. I would make myself up to be on of the shambling horde; pale face, glazed eyes, splatter myself in blood and bits of entrails from the butcher shop (because really, who *doesn't* have those laying around the house?) and stumble, moaning out into the day light. Zombies don't seem to like day light all that much, so I figure this is the best time to ambush a few of them.

My ultra believable smelly disguise would allow me to move undetected amongst them, and as soon as I managed to find one that had strayed from the pack, I'd give him a good crack to the back of the skull with the clawed end of a hammer. Destroy the brain and you destroy the zombie. If this zombie had personally offended me, by eating a family member or offering me a mouldering hand in marriage, I'd have to set it on fire. It's the only sensible thing to do.

Hee, nice idea. A sea monster who wants brains. Human brains? I'm gonna presume so. And so, for the good of the fishing folk, we shall gather a large shrine of brain meats for the zombified sea monster. We shall watch and cheer as our sea creature slops out of the water and attempts to make it's way up the beach.. and kill it. There are many ways we could do this.. Some kind of bomb or nuclear weapon COULD work.. Or! If we got some kind of huge blade, hung it from a helicopter and let it swish back and forth, we could all have sushi! Well.. undead sushi.. although, I'm sure that stuff'd sell like hot cakes.. yeah.. I'm sure it would. I'm sure everyone would find it quite agreeable...

Hmm . . . well, to get down to basics, you want to cut off the head and burn the remains. This'll take out nearly anything. That, or take a large grenade and paint it to resemble a brain. if cauliflower can fool them, a good paint job can, too.

While my preferred method of zombie killing has always been a flame thrower, that might actually pose a problem... hmmmmm.

Okay, the first step would be to find out if the sea monster is male or female. Then create a fake zombified sea monster of the opposite sex on land near the body of water the zsm is inhabiting. When the zsm comes out of the water to check it out, blast him/her with the flame thrower.

Note that it has to be far enough back so that the zsm doesn't just jump back into the water to put out the flames.

Killing a Sea Monster is actually a very simple task if you follow a few easy to accomplish steps.
First, you must amass a large fortune. You can accomplish this in any way you choose, but becoming a steel magnate may help with the following steps.
Once you've obtained a couple hundred million dollars you need to hire a large team of engineers to build you a fifty foot steam powered robot. There are two parts of the robot construction that are of utmost importance. First, it has to have a large suction tube mounted to it's chest that can reach the bottom of the body of water the sea monster dwells in. Second, it has to have a mind control antennae attached to the top of it's head (Be sure when attaching mind control devices to large robots, not to give the robot AI or it will surely enslave humanity).
The next step is to program the robot to send out control waves at a frequency that controls beavers. Have your new legion of beavers dam off the area that the sea monster dwells, thereby isolating it (If there are no beavers in your area, try lumberjacks).
Last, once the sea monster is secured off, have the robot drain all the water from whatever body of water the sea monster inhabits until all the water is gone. Now you should have a large sea monster stranded in the center of a large muddy/sandy hole. At this point the sea monster will suffocate and congratulations, in just four easy steps you have slain a sea monster.
You may also want to take this opportunity to collect some of the fish that are undoubtedly at a loss of their environment so that you can have a tasty dinner for a few days to come. You can also search the area for pirate gold, as it is considerably easier to find at this point.

Zombified Sea Monsters present a unique challenge in that one must first ascertain whether the sea monster being fought falls among the ranks of the undead. While the difference between a flesh hungry ghoul and your next-door neighbor may be easy to determine owing to the basic lack of hygiene, motor skills, and ability to not want to eat the flesh of the living that accompany the undead, the difference between a sea monster and a zombified sea monster are dramatically narrower.

Sea monsters, of course, are already driven by the desire to rip, tear, chop, chew, and generally consume all of mankind. So, unlike with human zombies, the mere attempt to consume the flesh of the living is no indication of zombification. Smell, another possible factor for determining zombification, is rendered virtually useless when placed in an underwater fighting situation. Even when confronting sea monsters outside of a submarine situation, smell may only play a factor in determination if the creature in question is in an advanced state of decomposition in which the odor of putrefied flesh overpowers the already odious stench of fish which normally accompanies monstrosities from the deep.

At the end of the day, of course, one may argue that marking the distinction between a sea monster about massacred and a zombified sea monster about to massacred is practically pointless as long as the creature in question is, in fact, going to be massacred. The importance of making this determination lies in that fact that, while a traditional sea monster can be stopped by mere evisceration, zombified sea monsters must be dealt with using the rigid guidelines for dealing with the undead.

Regarding the preferred method of dispatching these aquatic abominations, one should select a method that confirms with the three major guidelines for selecting all weapons dealing with the undead: portability, durability, and capability. The questions “Can I carry it?,” “Will it break?,” and “What can it do for me?” are paramount when choosing weapons in the on-going battle with the oceanic undead. Sticking to light-weight, highly portable weapons ensures that one will always have a weapon on hand without expending vast amounts of time and energy schlepping it around. Choosing weaponry that is hard-wearing protects against being left high and dry in the midst of battle and going to an early (and watery) grave. Also, your weapon of choice needs to be practical instead of merely impressive-looking. Ask yourself, “Does it need lasers and a grenade launcher?” or “Can I get by with two blades instead of five?” Granted, streamers, playing cards, and a bell make your bicycle look cool; however, what do they do to improve its actual performance?

In applying these guidelines to the branch of artillery best suited to the maritime environment, one quickly finds the harpoon best suited for the task of dispatching zombified sea monsters. As this weapon is already designed to pierce the tough skin of aquatic creatures, it lends itself well to adaptation of fighting the under-the-sea undead. This weapon can be used in conjunction with a harpoon launcher depending on the size of the beast (in order to assure skull-cracking force) or on its own in more closer hand-to-tentacle fighting. In addition to being able to pierce the tough hides of crustaceans, the blunt end can be used to fight off these sea-going fiends while beating a hasty retreat. Also, these weapons can easily be strapped to the body for diving and are also readily improvised from a variety of materials. Essentially, all one needs is a long stick of some relatively strong material and a sharpened end-piece capable of piercing flesh and bone.

The harpoon also is useful in battling living sea monsters, as well as pirates, zombies, zombie pirates, and any other creature vulnerable to sharp, piercing objects. An added bonus for these weapons is there ability to be combined with larger artillery to battle creatures so large that an average harpoon would have minimal affect. Zombified sea monster too large or hide too tough to be deeply penetrated?- simply strap any sort of explosive defense and BAM! problem solved.